Monday Morning Recap

So, I think it's safe to say that three comedians have shaped all of our lives: Dane Cook, Russel Peters and Justin Timberlake impersonating Ashton Kutcher. I can't help but show the video of him mocking the tv show Punk'd, its just so damn priceless: 'I'll do anything... I'll touch your wiener', 'we switched out your birth-control pills!' and 'oh man, IT'S A DOUBLE PUNK!'. I hadn't seen the clip in at least a year, but wow, I had tears in my eyes watching it over and over again. It's a classic...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FcXsfnfh6M&feature=PlayLi
st&p=9F42BAA641BFE18B&playnext=1&index=9

On to my NHL thoughts for the week..

1 a – Daily Oiler Bashing – Well, it's the same old Oilers: impressive win on the road against San Jose, embarrassing lose at home to Florida, impressive win against division rival Vancouver. When will the real Oilers show their face, or is this what the real Oilers are?

1 b – I think the Oilers moved one step closer to a #1 goalie. Roli stood on his head in SJ, Garon took the lose to Florida, then Roli picks up another win against the Canucks. As much as we all want Roli to be traded for some immediate help, is Garon (at this time) really the man we want between the pipes to make a deep playoff run? I don't think so...

1 c – Sporer, Hemsky is a good player, but not great and definitely not a 'superstar'. Not yet anyways. Even if he hits 85+ points this year, one season does not define someone as a superstar (Cheechoo as proof). I have no problem in saying Hemsky has all the tools to make a great player, but he needs to put them to good use on a consistent basis in order to be recognized as one.

1 d – The rest of December features the Oilers playing only one team under .500, the Sens (still an explosive team). The majority of their games are at home, but they need to start beating teams ahead of them in the standings on a consistent basis if they wish to be considered a contender rather then a pretender.

2 – Let's get it out of the way, Avery will not be back with Dallas. With Dallas being my team, I'm still unbiased as to the decision. Either way, Dallas has more problems on the ice (Turco, common buddy) then just Avery.

2 b – Despite Hull being the driving force to sign Avery, it definitely should NOT cost him his job. Les Jackson still has to give his OK, and Hicks is the one signing the contracts and cheques and ultimately has the final say. Regardless, if every GM that made a bad signing and was fired for it, the NHL would be in desperate need of some GMs immediately.

3 a – The LA Kings are going to have a ridiculous defensive core in the very near future: Doughty leads all rookies in ice-time, Thomas Hickey is a virtual lock for the World Jr team and Jack Johnson (when healthy) is an absolute stud. Throw in Kyle Quincy (23 years old) and the Kings will be a force to be taken seriously for the next decade.

3 b – Also with with Kings, they are in the top 10 in both PP (10th) and PK (9th) categories. Who would'a thunk it...

4 – You wanna know a stat that separates the elite from everyone else? Detroit (5-5), Pittsburgh (7-7) and San Jose (3-3) are all .500 when TRAILING after 2 periods! Talk about determination. It's games like those that really test the team's skill and character. In comparison, the next closest team is the Colorado (4-8-1) at .308. Edmonton (1-10) is .091 at 24^th.

5 a – The NYI are actually the best in the NHL at something! And it's truly a positive stat! They lead the NHL with 525 blocked shots! It's too bad they lost Dipietro for such a long time, Weight and Guerin are having bounce back years and I really feel like they would be right in the middle of the playoff hunt had Rick been healthy.

5 b – I still think Dipietro's deal is a steal. 4.5 million bucks for a top 10 goalie, over 15 years?! The deal goes until he is 39, which is a deep age to be paying 4.5 million too; however, signing a goalie for that amount for his entire prime year is a steal. I agree he hasn't put up the numbers to set him into the elite goalie category, but he has plenty of time left to establish himself... And let's be honest, he plays on Long Island; if he were anywhere else, I think he might have a cup already.

Here are my non-NHL thoughts of the week...

1 a – Colts for life. They became the 1^st team in NFL history to have 5 consecutive years with a 7-game win streak, that ridiculous. In comparison, the Detroit Lions have only had 3 7-game winning streaks in the last 75 years!!! New England, NYJ and Miami all won again and all moved to 9-5; however, the NYJ hold all tie-breakers and Miami is next in line, which means, New England could miss the playoffs with a 10-win season. How does that sound Sporer? Sounds like music to my ears. Fuckpalface.

1 b – The Colts have only allowed 5 touchdowns through the air this season. That's a scary good defense to go with an already scary good offense. If they get the #5 seed, they will travel to Mile High and play the Broncos who are the only playoff team to allow more points then they score. Easy pickin's.

1 c – Staying with the NFL, Tennessee and the NYG have gone from the most dominant teams this season, to the most vulnerable. They have both gone 2-2 in their last 4 games and have been replaced as favorites by Pittsburgh and Carolina.

1 d – Again with the NFL, remember when we all thought that 3 out of the 4 teams from the NFC East (Washington, NYG, Dallas, Philadelphia) would make the playoffs? NYG are 11-3 and are a lock, but 9-5 Dallas, 7-5-1 Philadelphia and 7-7 Washington are all on the outside looking in. Oh, how the mighty have fallen...

2 a – Duke (8-1) is ranked #7 in the AP polls, while Notre Dame (7-2) can be found at #12. How does the humiliation feel, Drew?

2 b – Also in college sports, seriously, does the BCS committee hate everyone? Why don't they have a playoff format? The bowl championship series is just like my co-blogger Sporer... flaming. How can Notre Dame (6-6) get into a bowl game?! How can their honestly be 34 bowl games?! That's 68 out of 119 eligible teams qualifying for bowls. How ridiculous is that? They should really just give the BCS trophy to USC, it's like death and taxes... inevitable.

3 – The evil empire has struck again. The Yankees landed the two biggest starting pitching names of this year's free agent class: C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. The Yanks are also in the hunt for Ben Sheets. Could you imagine those three plus Chien-Ming Wang, Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes, like one writer stated, 'that would be a pretty powerful statement'. It also appears like they are track to add 1B Mark Teixeira to replace steroid monkey, Jason Giambi. Looks like another lost year for the Blue Jays and the rest of the AL.

4 a – I'm in Fort Mac, and I'm craving some tacos and what do I find out??? THE TACO TIME IS F*CKING CLOSED! I hope the mayor of this God-forsaken city finds a big turd in his septic tank the next time he flushes his toilet.

4 b – I had to settle for Kokanee and a Kit-Kat, not a bad substitute.

5 a – We have a new weekly blogger. Lets assume he can keep up with the awesomeness that is 'Smith & Sporer' with his 'Potato Sack' column or I just might have to 'Crotch Sack' him.

5 b - In honor of our new blogger, and his wanting of more hot girls in hot pictures, I created a montage of current athlete's girlfriends. Enjoy responsibly.

Cheers.
-Smith

p.s. clockwise from the top left is Adriana Lima (Marko Jaric), Kim Kardashian (Reggie Bush), Jessica Simpson (Tony Romo) and Gisele Bundchen (Tom Brady).